I just left a meeting a few moments ago. Overall it was a great meeting and I am glad I went. It was a small meeting to brainstorm some ideas about something. In spite of how well the meeting went, I left feeling like I have felt a lot lately. I left feeling frustrated. The last several meetings I have been involved in (not with this group, but all groups) I have left feeling frustrated.
I live in a continual state of internal frustration.
I don’t like it.
I wish it wasn’t so.
But I can’t help it.
For months now (possibly years) I have had a gnawing, unsettling, frustrating, feeling deep in my gut.
It’s a frustration that says there has to be more…
…simple solution are not adequate to the complex problems we face.
…canned, typical responses are not getting the job done.
…somehow we are missing the boat.
…we are asking the wrong questions and thus getting the wrong answers.
…we don’t even know what the questions are anymore.
…am I the only one who sees the futility in most of what we are doing?
…why can’t I better explain how I am feeling and what I am thinking?
Several years ago I had a profound personal epiphany: I am not normal. I am eccentric. I don’t think like most people think. I see things others do not see and I don’t see what everyone else sees.
I think that is why I am continually frustrated.
I think that is why some people think I am confrontational.
People ask for my opinion and when I give it them they look as if they have no idea what I am talking about.
Maybe I am speaking in another language and don’t realize it.
Maybe I have the gift of tongues.
More than likely, I am just a poor communicator.
..what I am thinking is so far out of the box that others cannot relate.
I don’t like that.
I wish I were different.
I wish I could adequately communicate my thoughts and feelings to others.
I am very comfortable with who I am and who God has created me to be.
I just wish I wasn’t internally frustrated all the time.
It can’t be good for my blood pressure.
What do you think?
Have you ever felt like this?
If so, how do you handle it?
Does any of this make any sense?
Do I need to seek professional help?
Don’t answer that last question.